Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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