There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
