Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
as a side note pls kill me
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
