I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
