i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I'm always down for nudity.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
