Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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