i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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