Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
