about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize