Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
