All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
