"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
