your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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