He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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