Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
We had to coat check the pizza.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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