four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Randomize
