Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
