so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
