my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
