Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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