There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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