I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
