I'm passing your future prison.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
