Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
