You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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