girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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