He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Drunk is not a location!
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
