I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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