I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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