Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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