you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
