handjob tips. give me some.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
