Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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