I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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