Umm I'm too high to move.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
