he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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