He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
