guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
