Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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