DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
