she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
