So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
