So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
