Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Randomize
