I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
