that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
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