The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
