omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
