thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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