I met the friendliest cop last night
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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