I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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