Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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