are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Randomize
