you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
