Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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