My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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