No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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