you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
