I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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