update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
