You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
