Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
