i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
