I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
