Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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