What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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