so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Text me some of your sweat
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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