I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Do vagina's smell?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
