And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
