VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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