If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
