Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Randomize
