so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize